Business Network Relationship Zero: The Stalker

I often talk about the six relationships that can be built in a business networking environment. But there is a seventh category, it’s a non-relationship: the Stalker.

We have all met one (or a hundred). When we started networking, the scary reality is we might have been one. If you are one currently, you are going to have to change quickly, or you are going to have to move from city to city where your reputation hasn’t caught up to you yet.

What is a stalker in the business networking environment?
You know the type. They show up and start working the room at high speed. They are trying to meet a high volume of people in as little time as possible. They have only one purpose – sell as many people in the room as they can. If you see them spend more than three minutes with someone, it’s because they finally found a weak gazelle in the herd, and they are about to move in for the kill. The worst offenders not only try to sell people one product or service, but multiples.

What drives these people? (I would say morons if it weren’t impolite.)
There are three reasons that make network stalkers behave that way. 1) They don’t know any better. 2) They are self-centered. 3) They are desperate. Which of the three is most attractive to you? Which of the three would you like to do business with?

(Private note to stalkers: These behaviors and reasons are all unattractive. Change them or be ready for a nomadic lifestyle. No one will want to do business with you over the long term. Even if you get lucky early, the herd only needs to see one or two other gazelles get eaten before they start to run when they see you coming.)

Can a stalker change if they seek therapy?
Counseling may help. The first step is acknowledging they have a problem. What are the symptoms that someone may have a stalking issue?
o They do all of the talking and none of the listening
o They talk to thirty people in an evening and leave knowing nothing about any of them – except who bought from them and who didn’t
o They go to a networking event they regularly attend and nobody will talk to them
o They never ask anyone how they can help them
o They walk into a networking situation and discount the venue as ineffective because there isn’t a large enough group of direct prospects in the room for them

What do stalkers miss?
Stalkers miss three things. The first and most important is the point. It’s called networking, not open hunting season. Secondly, they miss small opportunities because people don’t want to do business with pushy people. Even if they do business with them, it is short term – usually just to get the stalker to leave them alone. (Stalkers typically never pay attention to you again after one of two things happens – they either sell you something or figure out they can’t.) The third thing they miss is the chance for really big opportunities, because possible partners won’t bring them into deals.

Prosecuting stalkers
I run a business networking organization, B2B Power Exchange, which had about 1500 participants in 2007. We have tried to build a culture where people who are trying to sell to senior decision makers at companies can gather, learn about one another’s businesses and collaborate to sell offerings worth tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars or more. The group is working for lots of the participants.

But we sometimes get people who come to our meetings and make the comment that they couldn’t identify anyone in the room who would buy their product or service. They have completely missed the point. They have no idea who is in the room with them.

Some of the people have held the positions within companies that these potential stalkers are trying to pursue. And these people who aren’t going to buy from the stalker directly still have lots of contacts with peers who could buy. Plus, other people in the room are probably selling to many of these decision makers currently. If these stalkers were networking – learning about what others are doing or have done – they would realize they might be in the presence of hundreds of thousands of dollars of opportunities or more. Instead, they see no opportunity at all!

Stalking is just plain stupid. (I know that was impolite.)

When people don’t know they are stalking, we try to educate them. When they are identified as a repeated and aggressive stalker, we eject them from the group. It’s the equivalent of setting up a search party to take out the lion who is endangering the health of the herd.

Am I saying you can’t do business with the people you network with? Absolutely not. But if you get labeled as a stalker, you miss so much more than someone who genuinely cares about creating win-win networking scenarios for everyone involved.

Share your thoughts.